on desire and andrea long chu (2023, brain dump)
thinking about dom-sub energy today… in her book females, andrea long chu argues that “everyone is female and everyone hates it." she describes femaleness as a state of self-sacrifice to make room for the desire of others. this book has haunted my thoughts since it came out in 2019: not necessarily because it provided me with some capital T truth about what gender *is*, but because of the important questions it prompts about the relation between desire and our sense of self… how who we are is shaped by how we want to love and be loved, and the existential predicament this situates us in! the origins of gender identity aside, all love and care necessitate varying levels of self sacrifice+submission+conformity, to make room for somebody else’s needs and desires or larger group interests in the context of community. this “making room” has the potential to both fulfil us and destroy us. which parts of ourselves do we compromise to be in relation/community with others? to align with the desires of the other(s) in question? which parts should we stubbornly protect at the expense of belonging, others’ feelings/desires/agendas, relational harmony? what relational possibilities would open up if we were unburdened by work and immediate survival needs? would more room in our schedules open up more room for the desires of others? would love feel like a limited resource in an alternative economic system? or is that just wishful thinking, a utopian dream?